Am I special?

Its been almost 10 months since i created this blog and posted on it. Ten months is a long time. Especially when you are writing in your second-language. You get this feeling of being compartmentalized with the "English" compartment abuzz with ideas and memoirs.

It atleast happens with me. When i start thinking in english-and i mean 'thinking', not translating- i automatically start viewing things in a different light. Might be the 'foreign' light. :)

Anyways. What provoked me to post on this blog is a conversation i had with my friend's Mom. She is someone i have immense respect for. Not only because she is highly educated and works in a respected profession but also because she has this immense confidence in herself that is becoming hard to find in the right places. At sometimes she is adamant on her view. And even if the thought of doing what she is expecting you to do is a bit too much of activity for us (me and my friend), somewhere in our mind we all know that it is the 'right' thing to do. To sum up, i think she is great as a human being.

Now, about the conversation. We were discussing the course of life and the decisions that she took when she was young that shaped her professional life and the state of mind she is currently in. I asked her, 'When you wake up everyday, do you have any regrets for the decisions you took in your life?' She answered,'No. Certainly not. Even if this is not what i actually wanted my life to be, this is what i chose it to be. No one but me is responsible for what i am today'.

Then she went on to add,' You know, when i was young and a school/college going girl, i was a bright student. I could do so many things and excel in them. Everyone around me praised me for my achievements and told my parents, 'she is someone SPECIAL. She will definitely go on to become an achiever.' A winner. Someone whose photo you stick on the wall besides your study table and get inspiration to do better. And all those years, i thought to myself that i AM SOMEONE SPECIAL. I am far better than people around me. Then, years passed by. And one day it struck me that i am not special. I mean not AS SPECIAL as i thought myself to be. Althought better than most of them , certainly not the best. It was difficult for me to digest this feeling. Then it slowly sank in that i am a small drop in this huge flow called life and things became a lot easier.

I was pondering on the above discussion-or you may say the statements she made- for one whole week. At first my 'rand'ian mind refused to even think about giving up and becoming a loser. But 'loser' is a strong word. And my friend's mom is certainly not a pessimist and boy she demands excellence from everyone in their work.

Then what's the glitch??

The most basic and obvious reason she gave for her thinking was that if she would really have been special, she would have shone like a bright star at an early age in her career. Infact she chose not to be so by not working 'that' hard.

Hmm.. The more i thought about this, the more i liked it.

Being a realist has its own advantages and disadvantages. However after all those books about excellence that i read for all these years, i think its good to have a reality check after some time or the other. It really makes life a lot of fun if not immensely successful and GREAT.

With the risk of sounding a loser and an escapist, i think everyone is special. All you need to check is the definition of 'special'.


Ahhhh i m feeling comfortably numb. :)